Skettels r us!

Thursday, October 26, 2006, very early in the morning. Prime Minister's residence, uptown, Kingston, Jamaica.

A voice shrieks from a distant upstairs bedroom
"Errald! Errald! Errald! Come here, come here right now!"
Errald in the kitchen shakes his head and mumbles under his breath, "is what happen now?" as he heads towards his frantic sounding wife.
"Yes P, what is it, and lower yuh voice its too early in the morning!"
"Look at what dem have inna di Observer now?, Look at it Errald! Just look at it!"
Errald reaches over and takes a copy of the newspaper from his visibly upset wife. The headline, "PM slights EU President" blares at him.
"Errald, why dem hate me? Is wha me do dem? Why dem hate me? Why is it every ting me do is wrong fi dem Errald? Why?"
"Calm down P. Calm down - dat is how di media is and yuh know dem have yuh under a microscope, suh just be calm."
"Be calm Errald, is dat all yuh can tell me! Be calm! Dis newspaper hate me and I never do dem nutting. Just last week di front page of dis same paper have di photo of me doing me likkle drawings dem.
"P, is not the same paper since dis is a new edition of di newspaper and di paper is published daily."
"Errald, I don't have time fi dis foolishness yuh know what me mean. Is dis same Observer did harass me last week. Now dem come back again. If dem nah draw di likkle pictcha dem of me, dem a tek photo or dem a write story! Errald why dem won't leave me alone?"
"P, first of all yuh need to calm down, you cannot allow dem to ruffle yuh up like dis man. You are di Prime Minister now."
"So why dem don't respect me as di Prime Minister? Eeeh? Why? Dem never do dis to P.J yuh know! And dem couldn't try it wid Eddie, cos well him woulda lock dem down same time and dem know it."
"P, you know sey as di Prime Minister yuh have to keep a level head and we need to think through this properly and come up wid di appropriate response."
"Yes, I am going to response alright. Call me lawyer! Call Phillip...I want him over here right now! And where is Colin? I did tell unnu I never want him to go, now who is going to advise me? I going to own the Observer newspaper by the time I done. Watch and see!"
"P, it is only 6:45 in the morning, we not going to call anybody and we going to be calm about dis. We will deal wid dis when yuh go into the office later on."
"Go into the office!!! Errald, yuh mad? I not going into the office, you don't see sey Princess sick, yuh want me to leave me one and only shitzu?"
Errald sighs and shakes his head. "P, you are the Prime Minister, you have to go into the office. Remember there are elections around the corner, we have to be ready. We need to start planning."
"I bet is dat damn dundus Golding is a part of this. I bet him have some likkle operative a work inna mi government. I want every labourite fired from mi government. I don't want dem fi get work not even as a street sweeper! Me tiad of dem now man. Errald yuh not mekking di phone calls?"
"Ok dear let me mek a phone call." Errald takes up the cordless phone and leaves the room as he dials.
He listens as it rings on the other end, then a gruff but kindly voice answers, "Hello"
"Yes, Aggrey, is Errald. Look nuh, we need fi give mi wife a higher dosage cos she really vex dis mawning. ...Is dem damn people at di Observer...yes please come quick yah man cos me waan guh back guh watch me cricket. How much India mek so far?"
The conversation ends and Errald calls out to his housekeeper. "Milly, is di last time ah gwine to tell yuh, P, is not to read any copy of di Observer in dis house yuh hear me. Whenever she ask fi newspaper give har di Gleaner!"
He storms away muttering under his breath, "Ah man cannot get peace and quiet in his own home pon a Thursday mawning, and see it deh India just lose one next wicket. Come West Indies, mek we eat dem food!"

Jamaica - the greatest country in the world!

Guess how much the next general elections in Jamaica will cost? Well if you've been keeping up on your news, you'd know the answer to that... a mere two billion dollars.

Oh well we can afford it can't we?

After all, Jamaica does have the best education system in the world, every child leaves primary school literate; all of our students perform above average at the CXC's, A-Levels and CAPE. Every Jamaican child leaves school at 18 with a solid education and is able to be a worthy contributor to our society. And why shouldn't they? We certainly do have a reputation for having the best paid teachers in the Western Hemisphere, in fact only the oil rich nations of the Middle East pay their teachers more than we do.

And our health care system, well what's not to love about it? We have people flying into Jamaica from all over the world to be administered to by our world renowned doctors who are always on the cutting edge of medicine and work in hospitals that are admittedly the best in the world. And of course every Jamaican has access to free health care!

And people let's not even talk about our infrastructure? Have you ever in your life seen a country so clean? Have you ever seen roads this beautiful? People, let's just be honest isn't the Jamaican public transportation the best you have ever seen in the world? I mean for those of us who travel, its always a culture shock to see what passes for public transport in places like New York, those people using their trains, subways and buses and what not. Puhlease, they need to come to JA to see how a real public transportation system is run!

And crime, now I think that's really where Jamaica needs to take a bow. Wasn't it just yesterday, that some world body said that Jamaica is the safest country in the world. I mean you're more likely to be speared by a sting ray than to be mugged or shot in Jamaica.
Of course you'd expect all of this since justice is always swift and fair in Jamaica, and our police officers, well they go around the world training other cops - that's just how good they are.

And let's not even talk too much about our economy. What would you expect when nobody lives below poverty? And why should they? The Jamaican dollar and the Euro are at 1-1! Boy, that Omar was a god send. But really its because Jamaica is the perfect climate in which to do business, hence we clearly export far more than we import and when you look at those G.D.P and G.N.P figures you just have to be amazed that a country of our size is able to do so much!

But where I really think Jamaica has outdone herself is with the quality of our public officials. They are the fairest, most honest, hard-working public officials in the world! So you know what, of course we can afford 2 billion dollars for elections, heck why don't we just double the figure since Jamaica is the greatest place in the world to live, and we fixed our problems a long time ago!