Skettels r us!

Thursday, October 26, 2006, very early in the morning. Prime Minister's residence, uptown, Kingston, Jamaica.

A voice shrieks from a distant upstairs bedroom
"Errald! Errald! Errald! Come here, come here right now!"
Errald in the kitchen shakes his head and mumbles under his breath, "is what happen now?" as he heads towards his frantic sounding wife.
"Yes P, what is it, and lower yuh voice its too early in the morning!"
"Look at what dem have inna di Observer now?, Look at it Errald! Just look at it!"
Errald reaches over and takes a copy of the newspaper from his visibly upset wife. The headline, "PM slights EU President" blares at him.
"Errald, why dem hate me? Is wha me do dem? Why dem hate me? Why is it every ting me do is wrong fi dem Errald? Why?"
"Calm down P. Calm down - dat is how di media is and yuh know dem have yuh under a microscope, suh just be calm."
"Be calm Errald, is dat all yuh can tell me! Be calm! Dis newspaper hate me and I never do dem nutting. Just last week di front page of dis same paper have di photo of me doing me likkle drawings dem.
"P, is not the same paper since dis is a new edition of di newspaper and di paper is published daily."
"Errald, I don't have time fi dis foolishness yuh know what me mean. Is dis same Observer did harass me last week. Now dem come back again. If dem nah draw di likkle pictcha dem of me, dem a tek photo or dem a write story! Errald why dem won't leave me alone?"
"P, first of all yuh need to calm down, you cannot allow dem to ruffle yuh up like dis man. You are di Prime Minister now."
"So why dem don't respect me as di Prime Minister? Eeeh? Why? Dem never do dis to P.J yuh know! And dem couldn't try it wid Eddie, cos well him woulda lock dem down same time and dem know it."
"P, you know sey as di Prime Minister yuh have to keep a level head and we need to think through this properly and come up wid di appropriate response."
"Yes, I am going to response alright. Call me lawyer! Call Phillip...I want him over here right now! And where is Colin? I did tell unnu I never want him to go, now who is going to advise me? I going to own the Observer newspaper by the time I done. Watch and see!"
"P, it is only 6:45 in the morning, we not going to call anybody and we going to be calm about dis. We will deal wid dis when yuh go into the office later on."
"Go into the office!!! Errald, yuh mad? I not going into the office, you don't see sey Princess sick, yuh want me to leave me one and only shitzu?"
Errald sighs and shakes his head. "P, you are the Prime Minister, you have to go into the office. Remember there are elections around the corner, we have to be ready. We need to start planning."
"I bet is dat damn dundus Golding is a part of this. I bet him have some likkle operative a work inna mi government. I want every labourite fired from mi government. I don't want dem fi get work not even as a street sweeper! Me tiad of dem now man. Errald yuh not mekking di phone calls?"
"Ok dear let me mek a phone call." Errald takes up the cordless phone and leaves the room as he dials.
He listens as it rings on the other end, then a gruff but kindly voice answers, "Hello"
"Yes, Aggrey, is Errald. Look nuh, we need fi give mi wife a higher dosage cos she really vex dis mawning. ...Is dem damn people at di Observer...yes please come quick yah man cos me waan guh back guh watch me cricket. How much India mek so far?"
The conversation ends and Errald calls out to his housekeeper. "Milly, is di last time ah gwine to tell yuh, P, is not to read any copy of di Observer in dis house yuh hear me. Whenever she ask fi newspaper give har di Gleaner!"
He storms away muttering under his breath, "Ah man cannot get peace and quiet in his own home pon a Thursday mawning, and see it deh India just lose one next wicket. Come West Indies, mek we eat dem food!"