MATTER OF INTERPRETATION

You know I had sworn that I would not comment on this unfolding Cuban light bulb scandal, because as I had said in one of my earlier posts, it was really nothing more than yet another PNP scandal, of which there are never really any consequences.

Then the former Minister of State in the Ministry of Industry, Technology and Commerce, Kern Spencer M.P. went bawling in Parliament. Well you know that one wasn't gonna be passing me by.

Who'd have thunk it - a bawling politician? And is not a funeral? Backside!

No wonder the rain cyaan stop falling in Jamaica. People, people expect rain for another 40 days and 40 nights, because the time is near, the rapture is upon us as Judgement Day draws nigh. All who nuh right wid unnu God find unnu way to church now.

But seriously folks "di big big", - as my mother would say - "horse tearing man" broke out into tears as the current Minister with portfolio responsibility delved even deeper into that boiling cauldron that is the Cuban light bulb saga.

In defense of his fit of tears, or to hijack a phrase from his Party Chairman his "time of the month" emotions, Kern says he broke into crying because, "I really wanted an opportunity to correct some of the inadequacies I heard coming forward and I was advised not to in light of the investigation taking place. I became real emotional because I could not just sit there and hear a number of inaccuracies coming out and I wanted an opportunity to put a number of facts on the table and I was prevented from doing so".

Wow! Now, I don't know where to begin with this one, because, methinks 'Mr. Bawly Bawly' might just have made things worse. First of all, the only thing INADEQUATE here Kern is you, as you demonstrated for the world when the tears started to flow! And on a point of language, I am sure the word you were looking for was INACCURATE!

But you know what, it's all a matter of interpretation as we have seen many times before. And clearly in Jamaican politics one man's scandal is another man's mix-up.

Remember NetServ? Of course you do. Same Ministry of Industry Technology and Commerce headed by then Minister, Philip Paulwell. So Paulwell gave (he says loaned) Jamaican tax payers money, some $180 Million, to this company NetServ, which was in turn going to use said money to establish call centres and create somewhere between 3,000 to 10,000 jobs. Long story short - it never happened. NetServ went belly up and the money vanished like Britney Spears' drawers. Well, while many Jamaicans were calling for Paulwell's head - then Prime Minister PJ Patterson termed what happened as "youthful exuberance" on the part of the then Minister. See, a matter of interpretation.

Then we had an issue at the National Solid Waste Management Authority (NSWMA) where some 2 billion dollars was, well, misappropriated through several convoluted and entangled deals with the devil and his father. To date we don't know the full story about that one, and the man who was then charged with running the NSWMA was at one point on a law suit spree. That one was not anybody's fault, either. Once again a matter of interpretation.

So, now we're back at Kern. He already put forward his interpretation. According to him, he did not break down into tears because he was guilty of anything! It was because of the misinformation that was being put out there.

Well here's my interpretation. When I was a child and I used to do bad stuff, and my parents would 'collar' me about it, I would bust out into tears. The reason for the tears were two-fold, one for the beating that I was sure to get from Mommy and two I really never wanted to let down my parents.

So back to Kern. Kern cried because the images of Tamarind Farm started to flash before his eyes, the sound of his political career being flushed down the toilet was echoing in his ears and of course the prophetic words of those who of knew him at UWI that he would end up in prison one day because of his relationship with money started to haunt him. And that is my interpretation of why Kern started to cry.

PS: You know who should have been in Parliament when Kern started bawling - KD Knight. I can just see it now K.D would walk over to Kern and say " what you crying fah boy? Man up, stuff out you chest, tek it like a man. Acting like a real likkle gyal pickney. Big man don't cry and we worse nuh cry pon t.v. Jesus man, even Portia never cry when me tell har bad wud inna Parliament couple years ago. Maxine come slap some sense into him fi me nuh."

IS THAT A FAIR PRICE TO PAY?

(PHOTO CAPTIONS: Mob Violence against reported homosexuals in Jamaica.)


I've had this topic on my mind now for the past couple of weeks. Well ever since THE STAR, outed former Rising Stars contestant Kyino Cunningham. If you don't know the story, THE STAR ran a story about Cunningham and a dread locked male taking a shower together on some kind of video recording that was being circulated on the internet. Now, there was no sexual act that was shown, however, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that homeboy is either gay or bi-sexual - both lifestyles which are hated in Jamaica.

I tried finding a link to the story, but Go Jamaica, the people who designed and run THE STAR's website, have not made it the most user friendly, so if it's there I can't find it.

But anyway, after reading the story on Kyino, I must admit the voyeuristic side of me instantly went in to search mode. I had to find this video. And find it I did. The links were removed the following day and I have not been able to find any of them since. But after watching the two clips, I instantly started to feel dread for the young man.

You see Jamaica, is still an intensely homophobic society. Simply put "we nuh like dem people deh". So intense is the dislike that "a bun ah chi chi man" tune is a rite of passage for our entertainers. And who can blame them? If you play Buju Banton's "Boom Bye Bye" or T.O.K's "Chi Chi Man" you get instant forwards in every session, even the gay ones. Many Jamaicans openly ostracize homosexuals, nobody wants them for their friends and worse their family. And of course let's not neglect the acts of violence that are rained upon homosexuals, for doing what to them is natural. I mean so endemic is homophobia that Jamaica has laws against buggery. As in men who engage in that sex act can go to prison.

And it's all really sad when you stop to think about it. I mean really think about it. What is society, any part of it, doing in the bedrooms of consenting adults? Who gives anybody the right to criticise what anybody does in the privacy of their own homes, or hotel rooms or wherever? And in Jamaica, as well as many other parts of the world, we take it a step further, we actually allow law enforcement to get involved, wow!

Well it doesn't sit right with me. Not that homosexuality sits right with me either. But I decided long ago, that it's not my place to judge. I am not God, and I think He strictly said He's the only one that has that right. And yes, He has condemned the act, but somehow I think God is totally capable of exacting His own punishment on those who violate His laws.

So where did Jamaicans get it that we were God's helpers? I mean sexual "immorality" is nothing new to us right? Lots of us engage in sex out of wedlock; many of us are adulterers; some of us prefer the feel of nubile virgin underage flesh to that of the adult of the specie and there are even those of us who say we are heterosexual but enjoy performing some very homosexual like acts on members of the opposite sex - so who are we kidding? But I guess that's just the nature of Jamaican society, where the double standard reigns supreme.

I for one feel sad for Kyino, his family and his friends. Nobody knows what the future holds for this young man, who in all honesty was causing no harm to anybody, but who has now been labelled for life as a pariah by a self righteous, violence prone society. I pray nothing bad happens to him or his loved ones, but I fear that the only way he can ensure that is to probably choose to not make Jamaica his home. Now you tell me is that a fair price to pay for being true to one's self?

PS: I chose not upload Kyino's photo, I think he's had more than enough people looking at him.

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

I was planning to blog about the latest scandal surrounding the PNP - the Cuban Light Bulb Affair. But then I thought what was the use, they were and are thieves - a fact as well known as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. I guess why it bothers me was I was a true and strident supporter of that party, even one day planned to run on the PNP ticket in some election. Now, if I was ever approached what I would tell the approacher would force my own mother to disown me. I don't know if I'll ever return to the fold of the comrades and raise my fist singing "Jamaica Arise", I doubt that I will - so sickened am I of them that I just might become the 'Mutty' of the blogosphere. But enough of Portia and her thousand thieves, since we all know this is yet another PNP scandal which will go the way of all the others from Shell waiver to Trafigura - ain't nutten gonna happen.

Now on to the real topic of blogging. This morning I checked my gmail and in the spam box was the following message.
'REFERENCE NUMBER:UK/839030X2/14
BATCH NUMBER:065/088/XY24
TICKET NUMBER:023-1111-790-458
20Th october 2007

This email is to notify you that this email address was randomly
selected and entered into our free Third Category draws. You have
subsequently emerged a winner and therefore entitled to a substantial
amountof 552,000.00 Pounds.

For further information, kindly confirm receipt of this email, by
forwarding Your Details as states below to our claims department on
Email :verification2007deptunit@yahoo.co.uk

INFORMATION REQUESTED:
(a) Your full Name
(b) Contact address
(c) Your Telephone and fax numbers
(d) Your Age:
(e) Your occupation
(f) Your country of origin:

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,
Award Notification Team
UK GAMING HOUSE"

Now my first instinct was to email them back with some choice Jamaican language communicating my overwhelming desire that I be left alone, or I would be forced to have my criminal friends cause irreparable harm to them and theirs - all of this would be said in Jamaicanese, with the right doses of claat's mixed in! But then I started to think about it and I re-read the email, I wondered, how does anybody get caught in these scams?

In the past couple months, I've noticed a dramatic increase in the number of these emails in my inbox usually talking about some inheritance that has been seized and they need $50,000 or however much of MY MONEY to clear it. And my response is always the same "me look like me born big so?"

But yet some jackass, some idiot, some claffy always falls for it. And they of course contact this anonymous emailer, from a country they can't find on a map with a scenario more idiotic than a James Bond movie starring Pierce Brosnan, all because they believe instant millions are just a wire transfer away.

I always wonder if these people who get caught up in these scams also believe that at the end of every rainbow is a pot of gold being guarded by a green clad leprechaun? Or maybe they believe that money really does grow on trees?

Whatever it is and as annoyed I am by the emails and the people who get caught in the scams, I am even more annoyed that police actually investigate these cases when people are ripped off. I really don't think the cops should be wasting their time trying to reunite an idiot with their money. The police's time would be better spent solving real crimes like murders, house break -ins, rapes - things where there are real and truly unsuspecting victims.

Can you imagine me being a detective and I get a call from some frantic person recounting this story about how they were contacted from Nigeria by somebody they have never met, and was suckered into parting with their life's savings? Well my response would be simple - click - and then dial tone. I wouldn't be investigating crap!

I mean let's just be honest, if you get caught up in a scam like that you DESERVE to lose your money, and if there was any real justice in the world you would be thrown in jail for as long as it takes to learn to put your brain in drive. It's about time people are prosecuted for being stupid.

Now, back to my latest anonymous emailer - I being fairly intelligent, googled the UK Gaming House and the first page all said how this thing was a scam. Here's one of the reports.
Let's just say, I won't be contacting them for my 552,000 pounds anytime soon. My parents always taught me to work hard for what I want, I think I'll just continue doing that, after all dem never raise no big head bud!

SURVIVORS ARE WE!!!

Every once in a while this country reminds us of just how great it is. And that greatness was on display this week.

On Sunday, the island - well the southern coast of the island - was hit by Hurricane Dean. And as Dean passed, the worry was that come Monday, Jamaica would have been under a pile of rubble and sand, mangled steel and blocks. Debris and water.

But alas, come Monday, the true situation revealed itself. And for many of us our only complaint was that water still seeped through our windows. A few trees were down, we had no light or water and the fridge reeked.
For some of us Hurricane Dean also meant a day off from work so there was time to survey the damage.

And still for others, the proud among us, it was time to clean up. Time to pick up the pieces. Many were seen throughout their communities, cutting up trees, some that had fallen across the roadways, sweeping up rubble. It was not time to wait on the National Solid Waste Management Authority- the able bodied put themselves to work and work they did.

It was also time to check on the neighbours and there were many on whom Dean took a heavy toll. Hundreds of people on the south coast of the island, including Caribbean Terrace and Harbour View in St. Andrew, Portland Cottage in Clarendon, South Field in St. Elizabeth felt the full brunt of the wind and waves.
But despite losing home and property it was time to begin the process of starting over again because we are survivors.
This wasn't the first and it certainly won't be the last storm to hit Jamaica and as a nation, we've been the poster child for weathering every possible type of storm. Jamaica likkle but wi people tallawah. As usual when put to the test the majority of Jamaicans produced award winning performance.

And since Anansi feels like handing out awards, let's give one to the island's light and power company - the Jamaica Public Service (JPS). When in this country's history has there been a hurricane of any type and some customers get reconnected in less than 24 hours. By day three after the hurricane JPS had turned on the lights for almost 40 per cent of its customers, and this despite saying that damage to its lines by Hurricane Dean was worse than that caused by Hurricane Ivan.

Water Commission too - they've been busy piping water back to homes. Yes, NWC you get an award too. Getting water back to 80 per cent of your customers in four days. Good work.

And yes, Anansi had proclaimed doom and gloom. Anansi had visions of Katrina-like behaviour from many residents - but all this was prevented by very necessary State of Emergency imposed by the G.G.! Hence what could have become a potentially volatile situation - in many ways more damaging than Hurricane Dean - was avoided. For once, Portia did something right! Portia you get a badge of merit for doing what was right, despite those naysayers who will use any opportunity to politic. Maybe, just maybe, their might be hope for you yet!
Since we're giving out awards, let's hand out some bricks to those who still can't get right.

Digicel - Hurricane Ivan unnu pap dung. Hurricane Dean unnu pap dung. Anansi thought you were the "bigger better" network. Sorry, but I'll stick with "the true owners of the yard" - Cable and Wireless.

Di Damn Tief dem - How unnu fi a bruk inna people house inna di height of storm? Unnu should a drown, get electrocuted and di earth shoulda open up and swallow unnu. Unnu ole wukliss good fi nutten cruff unnu.

Wukliss Politrickician - Di storm was Sunday, and come Monday unnu a complain seh relief effort too slow. Anansi not calling no names, but here are two words fi unnu "New Orleans" and if unnu still nuh get it "Hurricane Katrina". Some times, people must engage their brains before their mouths start to move. Unnu mus get several bricks.

Anyway, since the country is getting back to normal - when's the election?

PS: Was it just Anansi, or did it seem a little more than just distasteful to be hearing political ads during the height of the onslaught of Dean. Imagine, Anansi is glued to the radio, and during every other ad break all that was heard was "me and me neighbour voting for Labour"!!! Like who really gave a ....

DEAN AH LICK WE AT CAT. 5

Not that we needed to hear this, but Dean will be hitting or passing very close to Jamaica as a Category 5 hurricane.

Eternal Father, Bless our Land,
Guard us with thy mighty hand,
Keep us free from evil powers,
Be our light through countless hours,
To our leaders, great defender,
Grant true wisdom from above,
Justice, truth be ours forever,
Jamaica land we love,
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, land we love

Teach us true respect for all,
Stir response to duty's call,
Strengthen us the weak to cherish,
Give us vision lest we perish,
Knowledge send us Heavenly Father,
Grant true wisdom from above,
Justice, truth be ours forever,
Jamaica, land we love,
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, land we love

"Dean pounded Martinique, St. Lucia, and Dominica yesterday, and the storm's death toll now stands at three. A 62-year old man died on St. Lucia while trying to save his cow from raging flood waters, and a rain-triggered landslide killed a mother and child in their home in Dominica. Martinique suffered the worst damage, with 100% of the banana crop destroyed, 70% of the sugar cane crop gone, and considerable damage to buildings on the south end of the island. Lesser damage occurred on Dominica and St.Lucia, and overall, it appears that the Lesser Antilles islands were fortunate to get off so lightly."

And Weather Underground's Jeff Masters also says - Jamaica is my greatest concern. A direct hit by Dean would make it the worst hurricane strike on Jamaica for over a century. Jamaica has not received a direct hit by a Category 4 or 5 hurricane since perhaps 1832. The worst strikes of the 20th century were Category 3 Hurricane Gilbert of 1988 and Category 2 Hurricane Charlie of 1951. The Cayman Islands also have much to fear from Dean. Dean could rival Ivan as the Cayman's worst hurricane strike of the past century.

HURRICANE DEAN WATCHING

Well folks, I guess by now you all know - Dean's a coming. Today feels eerie. Eerily like the day before a certain man I remember very well - 'Wa Wa Wild Gilbert'.

The Sunday before Gilbert hit was just like today. Nice and bright. It was hot but not overwhelmingly hot because there was a nice breeze - it was by any account a beautiful day.

Now country people always seh when storm ah come, is suh di day set up. Give you time fi guh bring een di goat dem, tie dung di roof, do some las' washing of clothes and clear up wha fi clear up.

What's giving Anansi pause though is that Hurricane Dean is taking the exact same path as Hurricane Gilbert. That was almost 19 years ago, Jamaica will celebrate that anniversary on September 12.

While infrastructurally, we are better off today than 19 years ago - socially we are not. Jamaicans, many of us, have become more selfish, more tiefing, more wicked than we were or have ever been.

Anansi is actually having visions of Katrina. Remember the looters who went on a rampage through Walmart. Big Screen TV's, guns, track shoes, cd's. And let's not forget there was some serious looting during and after Gilbert - "yuh see me fridge - ah Gilbert gimme, mi new tv - ah Gilbert gimme, me new stereo - ah Gilbert gimme, me new video - ah Gilbert gimme."

However, there are some pluses about the Jamaican mentality. Ever since Gilbert and recently Hurricane Ivan aka 'Ivan the Terrible', our people have taken to the mantra of 'its better to be safe than sorry', seriously. So this morning from about 8:45, nobody could get into either MegaMart or PriceMart (Jamaica's Sam's Club or Costco).

Of course not everybody is buying sensibly - cos what di hell people doing with chicken, and all kinds of perishable food inna Hurricane? JPS soon tun of di light switch. Di house dem haffi lock up tighter dan sardine tin, suh how yuh fi cook?

Then again, today, could be viewed as nuff people last Supper. Cos inna couple of days 'Bullybeef ah guh full up wi structure.' So maybe that is the use of di chicken and pork and beef. Me all see one woman ah buy Moet. She mussi plan fi toast Dean.

All we can do now is sit back and watch and wait. The island is now under a Hurricane warning and by this time tomorrow - Dean should be here. Anansi has never been one to entertain people at home - and especially an unwanted guest, so you know that right now Anansi is less than pleased.

To all continue to be safe, Anansi will publish the next blog as soon as possible, even ef - yes mi seh ef, even ef it mean seh me haffi go camp outta 'Careliss and Wukliss' or Chichicell. But eeda way blog ah publish next week.

Pray fi we and unnu walk good.

PS: We tink di election call off! But Sista P, Mama P, or whatever she name today - nuh announce dat yet. But all di same, she need fi fire Prophet Phinn. Unnu mean fi tell me seh big time spiritual advisor and prophet like him couldn't tell Portia seh storm ah come? No man, Phinn fi get pink slip.
Oh and Anansi not saying, but, Gilbert was '88. JLP call election '89 and ah PNP did win. And guess wha' PNP have been in power fi di las' 18 years. Now Anansi not into prophecy, but Anansi believe inna signs!

PNP WIN!!!!

Portia fly di gate!!! Fifth term inevitable???? You bet it is!!!


Last night, Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller announced the election date as August 27. During the mass rally in Half-Way Tree, she trotted out her candidates - a less than impressive list of 60, including herself, which she boasted contained some 40% new candidates.

Now after watching the stage show, cum dance, cum political rally, cum state of the nation address that Portia and her merry band of miscreants called the PNP put on - is it any wonder that Jamaica is in the state it is?

I watched in dismay as some tens of thousands of Jamaicans - men, women and children - turned the normally bustling Half- Way Tree square into a sea of human flesh, all ready and willing to put on a show unlike anything Jamaica has ever seen before. And to quote Christopher Castriota of the PNP's communication arm, "it is the largest mass rally ever held in J.A.'s history." Wow!!!

And I thought what somebody not used to J.A. politics witnessing this event would have thought about the governing PNP. To the un-initiated and unschooled in the political mire of Jamaica, the PNP would certainly appear to be the best thing to have ever happened to Jamaica!

But how wrong they would be!

You see, the PNP, after 18 years of leadership has been embroiled in scandal, after scandal, after scandal. In the almost two decades that they have been in power, the country has had to suffer through, Netserv, Fat Cats salaries (millions of dollars going to Consultants), NSWMA, and most recently Trafigura. Together all these have equaled to billions of dollars in tax payers money down the drain. And all the while, crime has gone so far out of control that murder now seems a way of life on the rock. Jamaica's schools seem to be turning out less and less educated people and the economy, well, not even the economists can agree on the state of the economy. And all of this means that the average Jamaican should not be happy with the land of their birth.

Hence a PNP defeat is inevitable, right? Wrong! And this is why - too many dunce voters.

And to show you how far gone we are - Anansi predicts the PNP will win 40 seats to the JLP's 20. God Bless us all!

WE'RE BAAACK!!!

Like P.J. Patterson after the Shell waiver scandal, we have returned!!!!! We took a break for a couple of months while we attempted to focus on some other projects...but Anansi kept calling us back. And here we are answering the call.
Starting next week you can look forward to almost daily posts, as we do election watch JA. Also stay tuned for some stuff on the Trinidad elections as well. Afterall we do try to be a Caribbean blog site.
To the loyalists who kept coming back (hi Mommy), we say thank you - and we promise to not disappoint.
Anansi is part of a bigger project, a project that one day will unite the Caribbean like West Indies cricket! Ok like the Caribbean Sea!