RESIGN...IMMEDIATELY!

They "didn't know".

That's what the Election Commission, formerly the Electoral Advisory Committee said yesterday. They, this august body of learned Jamaicans, which includes I must add, a prominent University Professor and a Judge, did not know that the man who has been serving as Director of Elections over the past 10 years, is ineligible for the position.

You see according to Jamaican law, you cannot sit on this important body, the Election Commission, if you have dual citizenship.

So, not one member of the Commission, none of them, and did I say that a judge and University Professor were among them, knew that you were ineligible to sit on the body if you had dual citizenship.

Funny though, that I figured that out just five minutes after reading the Act which governs the Election Commission. The Act, "The Representation of the People (Interim Electoral Reform) says it in black and white. After laying out how many members, and who is allowed to appoint members of the Commission, - ( I am sure they read that) - it says in section 2. 1. (f) "No person shall be a qualified to be a nominated member if he"... "is, by virtue of his own act, under any acknowledgement of allegiance, obedience or adherence to a foreign power or state".

Right there that's what it says, and guess what all I had to do was go to the Internet to find that!
And I am sure, by virtue of being members of the Commission, they all must have a copy of the Act, or can go to the Commission's office and get a copy of the Act.

I mean surely, the goodly judge must have a copy of the Act, after all he's a judge and aren't his rulings based on law? So shouldn't he have a copy of all the Laws of Jamaica?

And what about the University Professor, for god sakes he's the chairman of the board, surely, the chairman must know the Act.

But, this august body of learned men, which let's not forget includes a judge and a university professor, say they did not know that the Director of Elections could not hold dual citizenship.

I don't know, maybe I am alone on this one, but it bothers me that the body who ultimately holds true power in this country, since they oversee our elections, does not know the Act which governs them.

I don't know maybe that's just my typical type 'A' character, but I would know every single detail of that Act, and all other subsequent Acts which governs my body, better than my own name. But hey, maybe that's just me. I can be anal like that.

I wonder if I was in the Professor's class for example, if I could get away with answering one of his exam questions with a simple, "I didn't know"? Or maybe I could stand before our esteemed judge answering, say, a murder charge with, "I didn't know"?

Somehow I doubt I'd be so lucky. But since we now know that the Director of Elections is ineligible for the post, and since we now know that the very learned men -which let's all say it together, includes a University Professor and a Judge - have no knowledge of the act which governs them, I say let's force every last one of them to resign. Sorry gentlemen, but we didn't know is simply not good enough. And right now I don't know if any of you are suitable for the job.

SURVIVORS ARE WE!!!

Every once in a while this country reminds us of just how great it is. And that greatness was on display this week.

On Sunday, the island - well the southern coast of the island - was hit by Hurricane Dean. And as Dean passed, the worry was that come Monday, Jamaica would have been under a pile of rubble and sand, mangled steel and blocks. Debris and water.

But alas, come Monday, the true situation revealed itself. And for many of us our only complaint was that water still seeped through our windows. A few trees were down, we had no light or water and the fridge reeked.
For some of us Hurricane Dean also meant a day off from work so there was time to survey the damage.

And still for others, the proud among us, it was time to clean up. Time to pick up the pieces. Many were seen throughout their communities, cutting up trees, some that had fallen across the roadways, sweeping up rubble. It was not time to wait on the National Solid Waste Management Authority- the able bodied put themselves to work and work they did.

It was also time to check on the neighbours and there were many on whom Dean took a heavy toll. Hundreds of people on the south coast of the island, including Caribbean Terrace and Harbour View in St. Andrew, Portland Cottage in Clarendon, South Field in St. Elizabeth felt the full brunt of the wind and waves.
But despite losing home and property it was time to begin the process of starting over again because we are survivors.
This wasn't the first and it certainly won't be the last storm to hit Jamaica and as a nation, we've been the poster child for weathering every possible type of storm. Jamaica likkle but wi people tallawah. As usual when put to the test the majority of Jamaicans produced award winning performance.

And since Anansi feels like handing out awards, let's give one to the island's light and power company - the Jamaica Public Service (JPS). When in this country's history has there been a hurricane of any type and some customers get reconnected in less than 24 hours. By day three after the hurricane JPS had turned on the lights for almost 40 per cent of its customers, and this despite saying that damage to its lines by Hurricane Dean was worse than that caused by Hurricane Ivan.

Water Commission too - they've been busy piping water back to homes. Yes, NWC you get an award too. Getting water back to 80 per cent of your customers in four days. Good work.

And yes, Anansi had proclaimed doom and gloom. Anansi had visions of Katrina-like behaviour from many residents - but all this was prevented by very necessary State of Emergency imposed by the G.G.! Hence what could have become a potentially volatile situation - in many ways more damaging than Hurricane Dean - was avoided. For once, Portia did something right! Portia you get a badge of merit for doing what was right, despite those naysayers who will use any opportunity to politic. Maybe, just maybe, their might be hope for you yet!
Since we're giving out awards, let's hand out some bricks to those who still can't get right.

Digicel - Hurricane Ivan unnu pap dung. Hurricane Dean unnu pap dung. Anansi thought you were the "bigger better" network. Sorry, but I'll stick with "the true owners of the yard" - Cable and Wireless.

Di Damn Tief dem - How unnu fi a bruk inna people house inna di height of storm? Unnu should a drown, get electrocuted and di earth shoulda open up and swallow unnu. Unnu ole wukliss good fi nutten cruff unnu.

Wukliss Politrickician - Di storm was Sunday, and come Monday unnu a complain seh relief effort too slow. Anansi not calling no names, but here are two words fi unnu "New Orleans" and if unnu still nuh get it "Hurricane Katrina". Some times, people must engage their brains before their mouths start to move. Unnu mus get several bricks.

Anyway, since the country is getting back to normal - when's the election?

PS: Was it just Anansi, or did it seem a little more than just distasteful to be hearing political ads during the height of the onslaught of Dean. Imagine, Anansi is glued to the radio, and during every other ad break all that was heard was "me and me neighbour voting for Labour"!!! Like who really gave a ....

PNP WIN!!!!

Portia fly di gate!!! Fifth term inevitable???? You bet it is!!!


Last night, Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller announced the election date as August 27. During the mass rally in Half-Way Tree, she trotted out her candidates - a less than impressive list of 60, including herself, which she boasted contained some 40% new candidates.

Now after watching the stage show, cum dance, cum political rally, cum state of the nation address that Portia and her merry band of miscreants called the PNP put on - is it any wonder that Jamaica is in the state it is?

I watched in dismay as some tens of thousands of Jamaicans - men, women and children - turned the normally bustling Half- Way Tree square into a sea of human flesh, all ready and willing to put on a show unlike anything Jamaica has ever seen before. And to quote Christopher Castriota of the PNP's communication arm, "it is the largest mass rally ever held in J.A.'s history." Wow!!!

And I thought what somebody not used to J.A. politics witnessing this event would have thought about the governing PNP. To the un-initiated and unschooled in the political mire of Jamaica, the PNP would certainly appear to be the best thing to have ever happened to Jamaica!

But how wrong they would be!

You see, the PNP, after 18 years of leadership has been embroiled in scandal, after scandal, after scandal. In the almost two decades that they have been in power, the country has had to suffer through, Netserv, Fat Cats salaries (millions of dollars going to Consultants), NSWMA, and most recently Trafigura. Together all these have equaled to billions of dollars in tax payers money down the drain. And all the while, crime has gone so far out of control that murder now seems a way of life on the rock. Jamaica's schools seem to be turning out less and less educated people and the economy, well, not even the economists can agree on the state of the economy. And all of this means that the average Jamaican should not be happy with the land of their birth.

Hence a PNP defeat is inevitable, right? Wrong! And this is why - too many dunce voters.

And to show you how far gone we are - Anansi predicts the PNP will win 40 seats to the JLP's 20. God Bless us all!

Skettels r us!

Thursday, October 26, 2006, very early in the morning. Prime Minister's residence, uptown, Kingston, Jamaica.

A voice shrieks from a distant upstairs bedroom
"Errald! Errald! Errald! Come here, come here right now!"
Errald in the kitchen shakes his head and mumbles under his breath, "is what happen now?" as he heads towards his frantic sounding wife.
"Yes P, what is it, and lower yuh voice its too early in the morning!"
"Look at what dem have inna di Observer now?, Look at it Errald! Just look at it!"
Errald reaches over and takes a copy of the newspaper from his visibly upset wife. The headline, "PM slights EU President" blares at him.
"Errald, why dem hate me? Is wha me do dem? Why dem hate me? Why is it every ting me do is wrong fi dem Errald? Why?"
"Calm down P. Calm down - dat is how di media is and yuh know dem have yuh under a microscope, suh just be calm."
"Be calm Errald, is dat all yuh can tell me! Be calm! Dis newspaper hate me and I never do dem nutting. Just last week di front page of dis same paper have di photo of me doing me likkle drawings dem.
"P, is not the same paper since dis is a new edition of di newspaper and di paper is published daily."
"Errald, I don't have time fi dis foolishness yuh know what me mean. Is dis same Observer did harass me last week. Now dem come back again. If dem nah draw di likkle pictcha dem of me, dem a tek photo or dem a write story! Errald why dem won't leave me alone?"
"P, first of all yuh need to calm down, you cannot allow dem to ruffle yuh up like dis man. You are di Prime Minister now."
"So why dem don't respect me as di Prime Minister? Eeeh? Why? Dem never do dis to P.J yuh know! And dem couldn't try it wid Eddie, cos well him woulda lock dem down same time and dem know it."
"P, you know sey as di Prime Minister yuh have to keep a level head and we need to think through this properly and come up wid di appropriate response."
"Yes, I am going to response alright. Call me lawyer! Call Phillip...I want him over here right now! And where is Colin? I did tell unnu I never want him to go, now who is going to advise me? I going to own the Observer newspaper by the time I done. Watch and see!"
"P, it is only 6:45 in the morning, we not going to call anybody and we going to be calm about dis. We will deal wid dis when yuh go into the office later on."
"Go into the office!!! Errald, yuh mad? I not going into the office, you don't see sey Princess sick, yuh want me to leave me one and only shitzu?"
Errald sighs and shakes his head. "P, you are the Prime Minister, you have to go into the office. Remember there are elections around the corner, we have to be ready. We need to start planning."
"I bet is dat damn dundus Golding is a part of this. I bet him have some likkle operative a work inna mi government. I want every labourite fired from mi government. I don't want dem fi get work not even as a street sweeper! Me tiad of dem now man. Errald yuh not mekking di phone calls?"
"Ok dear let me mek a phone call." Errald takes up the cordless phone and leaves the room as he dials.
He listens as it rings on the other end, then a gruff but kindly voice answers, "Hello"
"Yes, Aggrey, is Errald. Look nuh, we need fi give mi wife a higher dosage cos she really vex dis mawning. ...Is dem damn people at di Observer...yes please come quick yah man cos me waan guh back guh watch me cricket. How much India mek so far?"
The conversation ends and Errald calls out to his housekeeper. "Milly, is di last time ah gwine to tell yuh, P, is not to read any copy of di Observer in dis house yuh hear me. Whenever she ask fi newspaper give har di Gleaner!"
He storms away muttering under his breath, "Ah man cannot get peace and quiet in his own home pon a Thursday mawning, and see it deh India just lose one next wicket. Come West Indies, mek we eat dem food!"

The Writing is on the wall!

Prime Minister Portia Lucretia Simpson-Miller has found herself in a real spot of bother this time around.

And you know what, even the biggest political dunce in the world could have seen this one coming.

You see, Prime Minister Simpson Miller rather unwisely allowed some very unsavory horses to hitch themselves to her bandwagon, and now it seems that those horses are intent on derailing whatever momentum she has left.

Back when she threw her hat into the ring for PNP party president and ultimately Prime Minister of Jamaica, many pundits questioned the choice of some members of her campaign team.

Two names always stood out like a homosexual at a rastafarian libation - Phillip Paulwell and Colin Campbell.

Paulwell is Minister of Commerce, Science and Technology with Industry and M.P. for Kingston East and Port Royal, and is arguably the worst performing Government minister of the past three PNP administrations. Paulwell, who was said by former Prime Minister P.J Patterson to suffer from this striking malady called "youthful exuberance" was the central figure in the 700-million-dollar IT fiasco called NetServ. And, as if that was not bad enough, somehow he seemed to find himself smack dab in the middle of the ongoing struggles between the Petroleum retailers and the marketing companies, and the still yet unquantifiable fall out in the cement industry caused by faulty production by Carib Cement. In other words, Paulwell seems to be a scandal magnet.

And then there is Colin Campbell, former East St. Andrew M.P. and PNP Deputy General Secretary. As a politician, this former journalist is not all that successful. After all, his loss to the JLP's St. Aubyn Bartlett in 2002 was not a vote against the PNP, but a vote against him. He tried to recover some political ground by trying to win representation rights for Western St. Andrew and was beaten by Anthony Hylton (who is not known as the best politician, but a very good statesman) and to make matters worse, Campbell was the PNP's Deputy General Secretary at the time and the decision was being made by PNP delegates. In other words, he's not liked even within his own party.
Campbell's reputation was not helped by allegations made by Jamaica's former Most Wanted Man, Joel Andem, who claimed that his gang provided security for Campbell when he was East St. Andrew M.P., a claim Campbell has vehemently denied. Still, the damage had been done.
But at any rate, in her bid to reward those who helped her win the PNP presidency and become the first female prime minister of Jamaica, Prime Minister Simpson Miller appointed Campbell a senator and gave him the Ministry of Information with Development. She also allowed Paulwell to stay on as a Government minister and entrusted him with even greater responsibility, industry.

Now it seems as if these two men by their actions have seriously hurt her bid to get win her first election as prime minister and by extension the party's a fifth consecutive term in power.

How uncanny is it that a scandal should erupt over a 'campaign donation' from a multi-national entity that does business with the government and the central names are Colin Campbell, in whose name the account with which said 'campaign donation' was made, and Phillp Paulwell.

And the very thing the pundits warned Madame P.M. about, seems to be happening.

You see this Trafigura thing just will not go away. The Sunday Observer is reporting that former P.M. Patterson wants heads to roll including that of Campbell's!

Strange hearing that from PJ since he never sacked anybody in his life, certainly not as P.M. and he had quite a few to kick out including Madame P.M herself!

Scandals are nothing new to the ruling PNP. In the past six years alone they've had to weather the storms of NetServ, Operation Pride/NHDC, NSWMA Pts. I and II, Cementgate, Sandals Whitehouse, Kennedy Grove Housing Scheme Flooding, Portmore Toll road and a less than acrimonious hand over of power.

The PNP, like the country cannot tolerate another scandal. Their arrogance in the way they handled most of these situations - apparently coming from a feeling of invincibility after 17 years in power - has left a bad taste in the mouths of all well thinking Jamaicans.

The only way Prime Minister Simpson Miller and the PNP can save face on this one and secure their much desired fifth term, is to shed the dead weight and show the country that this is a new PNP, a new government, with a new modus operandi.

The writing is on the wall; for all of our sakes, let's hope she can read it!

UPDATE!!!!
Folks, she can read. P.M Portia Simpson Miller is literate and Colin Campbell is out of the cabinet. Check back tomorrow for the updates!!!!!

Who Pays The Piper?

"The Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) set off a firestorm on Tuesday with the headline grabbing allegation that the PNP had accepted a donation of more than $30 million from the oil trading company Trafigura."

Source: www.radiojamaica.com


So this whole thing is really about party campaign financing. How the politicians get their money to launch lavish political campaigns and even more lavish political conferences and thus ultimately gain power.

In the Jamaican political financing game, the ruling PNP seem to be a ways ahead what with $30 million ($441,176 US) from the oil company that also has an oil trading arrangement with the Government!

Imagine if every company that has a contract with Jamaica gives $30 million to the PNP...damn that would probably make the PNP the single richest entity in the country!

And well that would make the JLP certain of yet another election loss. Remember that four and six record we spoke of yesterday? Well that would quickly become five and seven!

So the JLP has blown the whistle! And the PNP's response is basically "'bite me' we've done nothing wrong."


And unfortunately, they're not wrong!

You see J.A has been discussing campaign financing since independence. It came to a head in the tumultuos '70's, when the JLP accused the PNP of going communist and getting help from communist countries. While the PNP accused the JLP of getting assistance from the U.S.

The then leaders of the parties, Michael Manley (PNP) and Edward Seaga (JLP) never came to any decision on the matter. The former is dead and the latter has retired from active politics.

And today, almost 30 years later we're still discussing this!

The issues are quite simply:
1) who is allowed to give money to a political party?
2) should political party financing be a strict responsibility of the state?
3) is it time for a decided on code of ethics for political parties?

Three questions with a variety of opinions, and opinions which change depending on who's in power!

If this were a JLP government with Bruce Golding at the helm, would he turn down 30 million dollars from a company that does business with his government? And how would the PNP react?

Rumble in the Jungle

I love a good fight! I really do! I like it when both fighters are equally matched in brawn, skill and wit. Like the 'Rumble in the Jungle' that was Muhammad Ali and George Foreman (October 30, 1974). Love it! Love it! Love it!

So some 32 years later, we have 'Rumble in the Jungle: Part Deux'
raging in JA.

Over in the orange corner: we have the PNP with a record of six wins (the last four of which were consecutive knockouts) and four losses at the National polls since independence...they are fighting to retain power and head towards their 25th anniversary of being in power.

And over in the green corner: we have the JLP whose four wins and six loss streak has made them the constant loser of an electoral battle. The last time, they saw Jamaica House, the Berlin Wall was still standing, the Cold War hadn't ended, and Osama was fighting the Russians in Afghanistan! So for them this is a must win battle!

Sounds like the makings of a good fight on paper right?

So why does it suck so much in reality?

The JLP leader, Bruce Golding, was shooting off at the mouth again yesterday that he has proof that members of cabinet, most notably Ministers Phillip Paulwell and Colin Campbell were getting kickbacks from a Nigerian oil company.

Well, as Mr. Golding has done before, he put the cart before the horse or mule (since they can't really afford a horse) and called a wrong name! Ahhh, he has been there before hasn't he. He's made erroneous statements about former P.M. P.J. Patterson and he did implicate, well, name another high ranking civil servant in some shady shenanigans, last year September. He had to back pedal on that one quickly!

And now Minister Paulwell, says enough!!!

"He has besmirched my character, impugned my integrity and blighted my good name! I am suing the bastard."

( Despite seeing the above in quotes, Anansi cannot verify that this is actually what the Minister said, since we weren't there and well he didn't talk to us!!! You get the drift)

But anyway, Paulwell is serious, he says he'll see Golding in court!!! The irony here of course is, a good many people would say, Paulwell has no good name to blight, no integrity to impugne and certainly no high character to besmirch!

And for reference look at the ongoing Carib Cement saga, the Netserv debackle and oh the fact that a former wife of his had to cut and run after four months of wedded bliss (please note sarcasm) and a five million dollar lavish nuptial!!!

But, unfortunately, Mssr. Golding is known for shooting off at the mouth or rather cumming too quick!!! Don't they have drugs for that? And, now if this matter does go to court, he just could lose and lose badly!!!

Looks like the PNP gets this one again!!!! And to think, Anansi had the Red Stripe well chilled, and the pop-corn popped, and the phone in hand to call Pizza Hut (all the necessities for fight night)!

MAN OH MAN!!!!

"Yes now Spanish Town" Remember that from Primary school days (big up to Shortwood)!

Anyway it seems that the ruling PNP are in a spot of trouble this evening. This after Opposition leader, and President of the JLP, Bruce Golding has revealed some damning information that Minister of Industry, Science and Technology (with Energy) {like can his portfolio get any longer}, Hon. Phillip Paulwell and Minister of Information and Development, Senator, the Hon. Colin Campbell have been receiving kick backs from a Nigerian oil company.

Word is, the Leader of the Opposition, has the cheques to prove said kick backs.

So if the Leader of the Opposition is to be believed members of the PNP, most notably high ranking government members are CORRUPT!!!!

And if the Leader of the Opposition is to be believed, then Prime Minister, the Right Hon. Portia Lucretia Simpson-Miller, might just become the first Jamaican Prime Minister in sixteen years to have to fire a government minister or two.

And if one chooses to believe the Leader of the Opposition, Portia also needs to start looking for two new ministers, while the DPP (Director of Public Prosecutions) has some investigations to commence!

And if the Leader of the Opposition is to be believed, the JLP just might be out of the wilderness as they might have finally fired the salvo to sink the PNP battleship!!!

Of course this is all if YOU believe the Leader of the Opposition, and really why would he lie about something like that????

Afterall, its not like the PNP are known for being involved in any kind of corruption. And the two ministers named by the Leader of Opposition are good, solid government officials whose names have never ever been whispered in any kind of scandal!

But as I say, that's if you choose to believe the Leader of the Opposition!