ARE YOU SERIOUS, MINISTER?

You know what, I like Minister of Education Andrew Holness, M.P.
I really do. So far, most of his utterances in relation to his portfolio, have for me, been like a breath of fresh air. Especially in light of his predecessor, who despite the number of times I have been told of how bright she is, never ever struck me as such.

But for me, Minister Holness has been the one shining beacon in this 7-month-old JLP government. I know it's not yet a year, but can you tell that sometimes I feel like "we swap black dog fi monkey". So far the JLP have performed less than stellar and every single minister except Holness is currently at a 'C' average, but I'll write about that some other time, since this post is really about Minister Holness.

You see, he first started to impress me when he said that the former education policy - the Jamaican version of "No Child Left Behind"- where students who could not read and or were performing below grade average be promoted, was foolishness.

Then, he stepped up and spoke openly about the violence plaguing our schools, going so far as visiting affected institutions - something his predecessor would never have done.

Next, he said that the manner in which the Grade 4 reading test was being administered would be changed, and that he would be moving to make that exam into a national one, which would be used as a first certificate from school, a certificate of reading if you will.

And then he launched an investigation into how the much discussed P.J. Patterson $5 billion gift from the National Housing Trust (NHT) for Education Transformation was spent. Not that the Minister has to do much digging there, the money was all wasted.

So far, on all these counts he receives 'A' pluses from me, because it sounds like education is getting more than lip service, since for once the Minister is not approaching the issue with their head in the clouds.

So imagine my shock and awe at a boneheaded statement from the Minister. He says that he wants an investigation to be launched into Literature books with profanity! He wants these books to be removed because they are corrupting "young minds", or some crap like that.

What?!!!

Now, I remember some of the books he's speaking of. One of them, Becka Lamb by Jamaica Kincaid, was one of my favourites in C.X.C literature. It spoke to so many things that especially girls could relate to. How your adolescence turns your life upside down, the relationship between a girl and her mother, the feeling of ugliness that every child goes through - it was a beautifully written gripping tale that I think resonated even more with those of us who went to all girl high schools. But the Minister, would have this beautifully told tale of a young girl's coming of age, taken out of the system because it has profanity!

I was a literature buff, can't you tell? It and history were and still are my favourite subjects and from ever since I have nurtured dreams of one day writing a book. So, I feel passionate about it and hate when writer's words or intent are messed with anyway - I am a purist like that.
And honestly, I can't remember any profanity being in Becka Lamb. It's probably there, I certainly am not calling the Minister a liar, but so caught up was I in the story, the way in which it was being told, the effortless manner in which Kincaid used words to paint a vivid picture which for me leapt up off the sheets of paper, that I never noticed it/them, and certainly did not commit them to memory.

Plus, I doubt any form of profanity would have shocked my 14-year-old self. I certainly knew all of them by that age, having nearly been given some serious licks from my mother when at three years old I complied with her request to repeat the 'bad words' I had heard. And let's take time to note that 14 for me was more than a few years ago.

So does the Minister expect me to believe that he thinks profanity in literature books is going to affect today's youth? Minister, in case you haven't got the memo, today's "schooler's" are having sex and recording it via cellphone to share among their peers and anybody else who cares to see it. Minister, today's youth - male and female - will sell their bodies for a pair of sneakers, or a hot cell phone, or insert material good here. Minister, today's youth prefer to take to school in their backpacks, not books but the following items:- bleaching cream, shoe polish, mirror, jewelery, weed, knives and in some cases guns.

So I doubt that profanity in a literature book is gonna affect them much. Hell, before we start working on removing books from the system shouldn't we be trying to get the kids to pick them up in the first place?



P.S. And Minister since you seem so interested in profanity in literature books, should we expect that Shakespeare will be on the list of offending books since some of what he wrote was considered profanity back in his day? And seriously, shouldn't we be having a discussion on what makes a word "bad"? And Minister since you want to sterilize the books shouldn't you also check for the content in them since not all of them were promoting a puritanical value system? Just some food for thought Minister.

RESIGN...IMMEDIATELY!

They "didn't know".

That's what the Election Commission, formerly the Electoral Advisory Committee said yesterday. They, this august body of learned Jamaicans, which includes I must add, a prominent University Professor and a Judge, did not know that the man who has been serving as Director of Elections over the past 10 years, is ineligible for the position.

You see according to Jamaican law, you cannot sit on this important body, the Election Commission, if you have dual citizenship.

So, not one member of the Commission, none of them, and did I say that a judge and University Professor were among them, knew that you were ineligible to sit on the body if you had dual citizenship.

Funny though, that I figured that out just five minutes after reading the Act which governs the Election Commission. The Act, "The Representation of the People (Interim Electoral Reform) says it in black and white. After laying out how many members, and who is allowed to appoint members of the Commission, - ( I am sure they read that) - it says in section 2. 1. (f) "No person shall be a qualified to be a nominated member if he"... "is, by virtue of his own act, under any acknowledgement of allegiance, obedience or adherence to a foreign power or state".

Right there that's what it says, and guess what all I had to do was go to the Internet to find that!
And I am sure, by virtue of being members of the Commission, they all must have a copy of the Act, or can go to the Commission's office and get a copy of the Act.

I mean surely, the goodly judge must have a copy of the Act, after all he's a judge and aren't his rulings based on law? So shouldn't he have a copy of all the Laws of Jamaica?

And what about the University Professor, for god sakes he's the chairman of the board, surely, the chairman must know the Act.

But, this august body of learned men, which let's not forget includes a judge and a university professor, say they did not know that the Director of Elections could not hold dual citizenship.

I don't know, maybe I am alone on this one, but it bothers me that the body who ultimately holds true power in this country, since they oversee our elections, does not know the Act which governs them.

I don't know maybe that's just my typical type 'A' character, but I would know every single detail of that Act, and all other subsequent Acts which governs my body, better than my own name. But hey, maybe that's just me. I can be anal like that.

I wonder if I was in the Professor's class for example, if I could get away with answering one of his exam questions with a simple, "I didn't know"? Or maybe I could stand before our esteemed judge answering, say, a murder charge with, "I didn't know"?

Somehow I doubt I'd be so lucky. But since we now know that the Director of Elections is ineligible for the post, and since we now know that the very learned men -which let's all say it together, includes a University Professor and a Judge - have no knowledge of the act which governs them, I say let's force every last one of them to resign. Sorry gentlemen, but we didn't know is simply not good enough. And right now I don't know if any of you are suitable for the job.

MATTER OF INTERPRETATION

You know I had sworn that I would not comment on this unfolding Cuban light bulb scandal, because as I had said in one of my earlier posts, it was really nothing more than yet another PNP scandal, of which there are never really any consequences.

Then the former Minister of State in the Ministry of Industry, Technology and Commerce, Kern Spencer M.P. went bawling in Parliament. Well you know that one wasn't gonna be passing me by.

Who'd have thunk it - a bawling politician? And is not a funeral? Backside!

No wonder the rain cyaan stop falling in Jamaica. People, people expect rain for another 40 days and 40 nights, because the time is near, the rapture is upon us as Judgement Day draws nigh. All who nuh right wid unnu God find unnu way to church now.

But seriously folks "di big big", - as my mother would say - "horse tearing man" broke out into tears as the current Minister with portfolio responsibility delved even deeper into that boiling cauldron that is the Cuban light bulb saga.

In defense of his fit of tears, or to hijack a phrase from his Party Chairman his "time of the month" emotions, Kern says he broke into crying because, "I really wanted an opportunity to correct some of the inadequacies I heard coming forward and I was advised not to in light of the investigation taking place. I became real emotional because I could not just sit there and hear a number of inaccuracies coming out and I wanted an opportunity to put a number of facts on the table and I was prevented from doing so".

Wow! Now, I don't know where to begin with this one, because, methinks 'Mr. Bawly Bawly' might just have made things worse. First of all, the only thing INADEQUATE here Kern is you, as you demonstrated for the world when the tears started to flow! And on a point of language, I am sure the word you were looking for was INACCURATE!

But you know what, it's all a matter of interpretation as we have seen many times before. And clearly in Jamaican politics one man's scandal is another man's mix-up.

Remember NetServ? Of course you do. Same Ministry of Industry Technology and Commerce headed by then Minister, Philip Paulwell. So Paulwell gave (he says loaned) Jamaican tax payers money, some $180 Million, to this company NetServ, which was in turn going to use said money to establish call centres and create somewhere between 3,000 to 10,000 jobs. Long story short - it never happened. NetServ went belly up and the money vanished like Britney Spears' drawers. Well, while many Jamaicans were calling for Paulwell's head - then Prime Minister PJ Patterson termed what happened as "youthful exuberance" on the part of the then Minister. See, a matter of interpretation.

Then we had an issue at the National Solid Waste Management Authority (NSWMA) where some 2 billion dollars was, well, misappropriated through several convoluted and entangled deals with the devil and his father. To date we don't know the full story about that one, and the man who was then charged with running the NSWMA was at one point on a law suit spree. That one was not anybody's fault, either. Once again a matter of interpretation.

So, now we're back at Kern. He already put forward his interpretation. According to him, he did not break down into tears because he was guilty of anything! It was because of the misinformation that was being put out there.

Well here's my interpretation. When I was a child and I used to do bad stuff, and my parents would 'collar' me about it, I would bust out into tears. The reason for the tears were two-fold, one for the beating that I was sure to get from Mommy and two I really never wanted to let down my parents.

So back to Kern. Kern cried because the images of Tamarind Farm started to flash before his eyes, the sound of his political career being flushed down the toilet was echoing in his ears and of course the prophetic words of those who of knew him at UWI that he would end up in prison one day because of his relationship with money started to haunt him. And that is my interpretation of why Kern started to cry.

PS: You know who should have been in Parliament when Kern started bawling - KD Knight. I can just see it now K.D would walk over to Kern and say " what you crying fah boy? Man up, stuff out you chest, tek it like a man. Acting like a real likkle gyal pickney. Big man don't cry and we worse nuh cry pon t.v. Jesus man, even Portia never cry when me tell har bad wud inna Parliament couple years ago. Maxine come slap some sense into him fi me nuh."

IS THAT A FAIR PRICE TO PAY?

(PHOTO CAPTIONS: Mob Violence against reported homosexuals in Jamaica.)


I've had this topic on my mind now for the past couple of weeks. Well ever since THE STAR, outed former Rising Stars contestant Kyino Cunningham. If you don't know the story, THE STAR ran a story about Cunningham and a dread locked male taking a shower together on some kind of video recording that was being circulated on the internet. Now, there was no sexual act that was shown, however, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that homeboy is either gay or bi-sexual - both lifestyles which are hated in Jamaica.

I tried finding a link to the story, but Go Jamaica, the people who designed and run THE STAR's website, have not made it the most user friendly, so if it's there I can't find it.

But anyway, after reading the story on Kyino, I must admit the voyeuristic side of me instantly went in to search mode. I had to find this video. And find it I did. The links were removed the following day and I have not been able to find any of them since. But after watching the two clips, I instantly started to feel dread for the young man.

You see Jamaica, is still an intensely homophobic society. Simply put "we nuh like dem people deh". So intense is the dislike that "a bun ah chi chi man" tune is a rite of passage for our entertainers. And who can blame them? If you play Buju Banton's "Boom Bye Bye" or T.O.K's "Chi Chi Man" you get instant forwards in every session, even the gay ones. Many Jamaicans openly ostracize homosexuals, nobody wants them for their friends and worse their family. And of course let's not neglect the acts of violence that are rained upon homosexuals, for doing what to them is natural. I mean so endemic is homophobia that Jamaica has laws against buggery. As in men who engage in that sex act can go to prison.

And it's all really sad when you stop to think about it. I mean really think about it. What is society, any part of it, doing in the bedrooms of consenting adults? Who gives anybody the right to criticise what anybody does in the privacy of their own homes, or hotel rooms or wherever? And in Jamaica, as well as many other parts of the world, we take it a step further, we actually allow law enforcement to get involved, wow!

Well it doesn't sit right with me. Not that homosexuality sits right with me either. But I decided long ago, that it's not my place to judge. I am not God, and I think He strictly said He's the only one that has that right. And yes, He has condemned the act, but somehow I think God is totally capable of exacting His own punishment on those who violate His laws.

So where did Jamaicans get it that we were God's helpers? I mean sexual "immorality" is nothing new to us right? Lots of us engage in sex out of wedlock; many of us are adulterers; some of us prefer the feel of nubile virgin underage flesh to that of the adult of the specie and there are even those of us who say we are heterosexual but enjoy performing some very homosexual like acts on members of the opposite sex - so who are we kidding? But I guess that's just the nature of Jamaican society, where the double standard reigns supreme.

I for one feel sad for Kyino, his family and his friends. Nobody knows what the future holds for this young man, who in all honesty was causing no harm to anybody, but who has now been labelled for life as a pariah by a self righteous, violence prone society. I pray nothing bad happens to him or his loved ones, but I fear that the only way he can ensure that is to probably choose to not make Jamaica his home. Now you tell me is that a fair price to pay for being true to one's self?

PS: I chose not upload Kyino's photo, I think he's had more than enough people looking at him.

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

I was planning to blog about the latest scandal surrounding the PNP - the Cuban Light Bulb Affair. But then I thought what was the use, they were and are thieves - a fact as well known as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. I guess why it bothers me was I was a true and strident supporter of that party, even one day planned to run on the PNP ticket in some election. Now, if I was ever approached what I would tell the approacher would force my own mother to disown me. I don't know if I'll ever return to the fold of the comrades and raise my fist singing "Jamaica Arise", I doubt that I will - so sickened am I of them that I just might become the 'Mutty' of the blogosphere. But enough of Portia and her thousand thieves, since we all know this is yet another PNP scandal which will go the way of all the others from Shell waiver to Trafigura - ain't nutten gonna happen.

Now on to the real topic of blogging. This morning I checked my gmail and in the spam box was the following message.
'REFERENCE NUMBER:UK/839030X2/14
BATCH NUMBER:065/088/XY24
TICKET NUMBER:023-1111-790-458
20Th october 2007

This email is to notify you that this email address was randomly
selected and entered into our free Third Category draws. You have
subsequently emerged a winner and therefore entitled to a substantial
amountof 552,000.00 Pounds.

For further information, kindly confirm receipt of this email, by
forwarding Your Details as states below to our claims department on
Email :verification2007deptunit@yahoo.co.uk

INFORMATION REQUESTED:
(a) Your full Name
(b) Contact address
(c) Your Telephone and fax numbers
(d) Your Age:
(e) Your occupation
(f) Your country of origin:

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,
Award Notification Team
UK GAMING HOUSE"

Now my first instinct was to email them back with some choice Jamaican language communicating my overwhelming desire that I be left alone, or I would be forced to have my criminal friends cause irreparable harm to them and theirs - all of this would be said in Jamaicanese, with the right doses of claat's mixed in! But then I started to think about it and I re-read the email, I wondered, how does anybody get caught in these scams?

In the past couple months, I've noticed a dramatic increase in the number of these emails in my inbox usually talking about some inheritance that has been seized and they need $50,000 or however much of MY MONEY to clear it. And my response is always the same "me look like me born big so?"

But yet some jackass, some idiot, some claffy always falls for it. And they of course contact this anonymous emailer, from a country they can't find on a map with a scenario more idiotic than a James Bond movie starring Pierce Brosnan, all because they believe instant millions are just a wire transfer away.

I always wonder if these people who get caught up in these scams also believe that at the end of every rainbow is a pot of gold being guarded by a green clad leprechaun? Or maybe they believe that money really does grow on trees?

Whatever it is and as annoyed I am by the emails and the people who get caught in the scams, I am even more annoyed that police actually investigate these cases when people are ripped off. I really don't think the cops should be wasting their time trying to reunite an idiot with their money. The police's time would be better spent solving real crimes like murders, house break -ins, rapes - things where there are real and truly unsuspecting victims.

Can you imagine me being a detective and I get a call from some frantic person recounting this story about how they were contacted from Nigeria by somebody they have never met, and was suckered into parting with their life's savings? Well my response would be simple - click - and then dial tone. I wouldn't be investigating crap!

I mean let's just be honest, if you get caught up in a scam like that you DESERVE to lose your money, and if there was any real justice in the world you would be thrown in jail for as long as it takes to learn to put your brain in drive. It's about time people are prosecuted for being stupid.

Now, back to my latest anonymous emailer - I being fairly intelligent, googled the UK Gaming House and the first page all said how this thing was a scam. Here's one of the reports.
Let's just say, I won't be contacting them for my 552,000 pounds anytime soon. My parents always taught me to work hard for what I want, I think I'll just continue doing that, after all dem never raise no big head bud!

DEAN AH LICK WE AT CAT. 5

Not that we needed to hear this, but Dean will be hitting or passing very close to Jamaica as a Category 5 hurricane.

Eternal Father, Bless our Land,
Guard us with thy mighty hand,
Keep us free from evil powers,
Be our light through countless hours,
To our leaders, great defender,
Grant true wisdom from above,
Justice, truth be ours forever,
Jamaica land we love,
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, land we love

Teach us true respect for all,
Stir response to duty's call,
Strengthen us the weak to cherish,
Give us vision lest we perish,
Knowledge send us Heavenly Father,
Grant true wisdom from above,
Justice, truth be ours forever,
Jamaica, land we love,
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, land we love

"Dean pounded Martinique, St. Lucia, and Dominica yesterday, and the storm's death toll now stands at three. A 62-year old man died on St. Lucia while trying to save his cow from raging flood waters, and a rain-triggered landslide killed a mother and child in their home in Dominica. Martinique suffered the worst damage, with 100% of the banana crop destroyed, 70% of the sugar cane crop gone, and considerable damage to buildings on the south end of the island. Lesser damage occurred on Dominica and St.Lucia, and overall, it appears that the Lesser Antilles islands were fortunate to get off so lightly."

And Weather Underground's Jeff Masters also says - Jamaica is my greatest concern. A direct hit by Dean would make it the worst hurricane strike on Jamaica for over a century. Jamaica has not received a direct hit by a Category 4 or 5 hurricane since perhaps 1832. The worst strikes of the 20th century were Category 3 Hurricane Gilbert of 1988 and Category 2 Hurricane Charlie of 1951. The Cayman Islands also have much to fear from Dean. Dean could rival Ivan as the Cayman's worst hurricane strike of the past century.

HURRICANE DEAN WATCHING

Well folks, I guess by now you all know - Dean's a coming. Today feels eerie. Eerily like the day before a certain man I remember very well - 'Wa Wa Wild Gilbert'.

The Sunday before Gilbert hit was just like today. Nice and bright. It was hot but not overwhelmingly hot because there was a nice breeze - it was by any account a beautiful day.

Now country people always seh when storm ah come, is suh di day set up. Give you time fi guh bring een di goat dem, tie dung di roof, do some las' washing of clothes and clear up wha fi clear up.

What's giving Anansi pause though is that Hurricane Dean is taking the exact same path as Hurricane Gilbert. That was almost 19 years ago, Jamaica will celebrate that anniversary on September 12.

While infrastructurally, we are better off today than 19 years ago - socially we are not. Jamaicans, many of us, have become more selfish, more tiefing, more wicked than we were or have ever been.

Anansi is actually having visions of Katrina. Remember the looters who went on a rampage through Walmart. Big Screen TV's, guns, track shoes, cd's. And let's not forget there was some serious looting during and after Gilbert - "yuh see me fridge - ah Gilbert gimme, mi new tv - ah Gilbert gimme, me new stereo - ah Gilbert gimme, me new video - ah Gilbert gimme."

However, there are some pluses about the Jamaican mentality. Ever since Gilbert and recently Hurricane Ivan aka 'Ivan the Terrible', our people have taken to the mantra of 'its better to be safe than sorry', seriously. So this morning from about 8:45, nobody could get into either MegaMart or PriceMart (Jamaica's Sam's Club or Costco).

Of course not everybody is buying sensibly - cos what di hell people doing with chicken, and all kinds of perishable food inna Hurricane? JPS soon tun of di light switch. Di house dem haffi lock up tighter dan sardine tin, suh how yuh fi cook?

Then again, today, could be viewed as nuff people last Supper. Cos inna couple of days 'Bullybeef ah guh full up wi structure.' So maybe that is the use of di chicken and pork and beef. Me all see one woman ah buy Moet. She mussi plan fi toast Dean.

All we can do now is sit back and watch and wait. The island is now under a Hurricane warning and by this time tomorrow - Dean should be here. Anansi has never been one to entertain people at home - and especially an unwanted guest, so you know that right now Anansi is less than pleased.

To all continue to be safe, Anansi will publish the next blog as soon as possible, even ef - yes mi seh ef, even ef it mean seh me haffi go camp outta 'Careliss and Wukliss' or Chichicell. But eeda way blog ah publish next week.

Pray fi we and unnu walk good.

PS: We tink di election call off! But Sista P, Mama P, or whatever she name today - nuh announce dat yet. But all di same, she need fi fire Prophet Phinn. Unnu mean fi tell me seh big time spiritual advisor and prophet like him couldn't tell Portia seh storm ah come? No man, Phinn fi get pink slip.
Oh and Anansi not saying, but, Gilbert was '88. JLP call election '89 and ah PNP did win. And guess wha' PNP have been in power fi di las' 18 years. Now Anansi not into prophecy, but Anansi believe inna signs!

Democracy Missing, feared dead - Jamaica

Crime Reports

THE CONSTABULARY COMMUNICATIONS NETWORK. CCN

The Constabulary Communications Network (CCN) liaison officer for Kingston reports that Democracy, a long standing resident has gone missing and feared dead.

Reports reaching the CCN are that on October 18, the Jamaica Observer newspaper published a photograph of the Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller doodling while the opposition, Jamaica Labour Party presented its no confidence motion against her government in Parliament.

In an obvious response to the slight created by the publication of the photograph, a move was made to further bar journalists from sections of Gordon House, by erecting and locking a door between the press box and the Hansard section. It is believed the offending photograph was taken from the Hansard section.

Since then attempts by the Opposition and media representatives to have a discussion on the new restrictions in parliament have failed to materialize, and Democracy has not been seen since.

The CCN understands that this is not the first time an attempt has been made on Democracy’s life by this government.

Reports are that in 2004, Democracy’s life was threatened when movement restrictions were placed on the media in Gordon House. Witnesses said that after the contentious vote in Parliament, when Portia Simpson Miller broke ranks with the government and refused to vote on the issue of granting more money to the fire service, members of the media heard when then minister of Foreign Affairs, KD Knight launched into a profanity laced tirade at Simpson Miller. The media witnesses reported the matter and were subsequently barred from areas of Parliament where the government assembled.

The police are looking at Prime Minister Simpson Miller and Speaker of the House Michael Peart as persons of interest into the investigation on Democracy’s disappearance.

If anybody has any information regarding Democracy’s whereabouts please contact your nearest polling station. A reward of change of government will be given to those whose information helps in locating Democracy.

Who Pays The Piper?

"The Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) set off a firestorm on Tuesday with the headline grabbing allegation that the PNP had accepted a donation of more than $30 million from the oil trading company Trafigura."

Source: www.radiojamaica.com


So this whole thing is really about party campaign financing. How the politicians get their money to launch lavish political campaigns and even more lavish political conferences and thus ultimately gain power.

In the Jamaican political financing game, the ruling PNP seem to be a ways ahead what with $30 million ($441,176 US) from the oil company that also has an oil trading arrangement with the Government!

Imagine if every company that has a contract with Jamaica gives $30 million to the PNP...damn that would probably make the PNP the single richest entity in the country!

And well that would make the JLP certain of yet another election loss. Remember that four and six record we spoke of yesterday? Well that would quickly become five and seven!

So the JLP has blown the whistle! And the PNP's response is basically "'bite me' we've done nothing wrong."


And unfortunately, they're not wrong!

You see J.A has been discussing campaign financing since independence. It came to a head in the tumultuos '70's, when the JLP accused the PNP of going communist and getting help from communist countries. While the PNP accused the JLP of getting assistance from the U.S.

The then leaders of the parties, Michael Manley (PNP) and Edward Seaga (JLP) never came to any decision on the matter. The former is dead and the latter has retired from active politics.

And today, almost 30 years later we're still discussing this!

The issues are quite simply:
1) who is allowed to give money to a political party?
2) should political party financing be a strict responsibility of the state?
3) is it time for a decided on code of ethics for political parties?

Three questions with a variety of opinions, and opinions which change depending on who's in power!

If this were a JLP government with Bruce Golding at the helm, would he turn down 30 million dollars from a company that does business with his government? And how would the PNP react?

Rumble in the Jungle

I love a good fight! I really do! I like it when both fighters are equally matched in brawn, skill and wit. Like the 'Rumble in the Jungle' that was Muhammad Ali and George Foreman (October 30, 1974). Love it! Love it! Love it!

So some 32 years later, we have 'Rumble in the Jungle: Part Deux'
raging in JA.

Over in the orange corner: we have the PNP with a record of six wins (the last four of which were consecutive knockouts) and four losses at the National polls since independence...they are fighting to retain power and head towards their 25th anniversary of being in power.

And over in the green corner: we have the JLP whose four wins and six loss streak has made them the constant loser of an electoral battle. The last time, they saw Jamaica House, the Berlin Wall was still standing, the Cold War hadn't ended, and Osama was fighting the Russians in Afghanistan! So for them this is a must win battle!

Sounds like the makings of a good fight on paper right?

So why does it suck so much in reality?

The JLP leader, Bruce Golding, was shooting off at the mouth again yesterday that he has proof that members of cabinet, most notably Ministers Phillip Paulwell and Colin Campbell were getting kickbacks from a Nigerian oil company.

Well, as Mr. Golding has done before, he put the cart before the horse or mule (since they can't really afford a horse) and called a wrong name! Ahhh, he has been there before hasn't he. He's made erroneous statements about former P.M. P.J. Patterson and he did implicate, well, name another high ranking civil servant in some shady shenanigans, last year September. He had to back pedal on that one quickly!

And now Minister Paulwell, says enough!!!

"He has besmirched my character, impugned my integrity and blighted my good name! I am suing the bastard."

( Despite seeing the above in quotes, Anansi cannot verify that this is actually what the Minister said, since we weren't there and well he didn't talk to us!!! You get the drift)

But anyway, Paulwell is serious, he says he'll see Golding in court!!! The irony here of course is, a good many people would say, Paulwell has no good name to blight, no integrity to impugne and certainly no high character to besmirch!

And for reference look at the ongoing Carib Cement saga, the Netserv debackle and oh the fact that a former wife of his had to cut and run after four months of wedded bliss (please note sarcasm) and a five million dollar lavish nuptial!!!

But, unfortunately, Mssr. Golding is known for shooting off at the mouth or rather cumming too quick!!! Don't they have drugs for that? And, now if this matter does go to court, he just could lose and lose badly!!!

Looks like the PNP gets this one again!!!! And to think, Anansi had the Red Stripe well chilled, and the pop-corn popped, and the phone in hand to call Pizza Hut (all the necessities for fight night)!

Multi-lingual Cops!!!

The word of the day folks is....Multilingual!!!!!

Multilingual, adj., means: ability to communicate in more than two languages.


Now, Jamaica's Minister of National Security, the Hon. Dr. Peter Phillips has announced that plans are afoot to make Jamaican cops multilingual, what with the influx of Hispanic (mainly Hondurans, Cubans, Colombians) and Haitians to our island shores. In short Jamaican cops will be learning, Spanish and Haitian Creole in order to help them better communicate with these people when they get on the rock.

Good idea!!!!!.... ON PAPER!!!!

You see the problem is - which I guess the goodly Minister did not take into consideration, and honestly might not be able to do much about anyway - Jamaican cops, by and large, don't know English!!!

Well, not the Queen's English we were allegedly taught in schools. Hence, they have barely any reasoning ability and a hard time communicating with the public at large.
That's why simple traffic stops can turn into shoot outs and why every release from Constabulary Communications Network (CCN)on a police shooting goes something like this: "The police were shot at by an armed man with a knife, who ran into the nearby bushes. The police returned the fire and the man was shot 365 times all over the body. He was pronounced dead at the hospital." Notice everytime there is a police shooting, there are nearby bushes! Even in New Kingston, there are nearby bushes!!!

Look, I applaud the Ministry of National Security's efforts to confront an increasing problem of foreign thugs, lord knows J.A. has enough of its own thugs, to deal with. But the issue is how you gonna teach new languages to people who are yet to master their own????

Just an opinion!